Zola to coach West Ham

In an interesting development in football the new West Ham coach is to be French literary giant Emile Zola (1840-1902).

His view that "Man's hereditary bloom and nervous system are his doom. This physiological doom maybe be modified by the man's environment- his social position etc- but cannot be escaped" (LW Tancock) is going to have a profound effect on selection and tactics. The long injury list must have an impact too, and as West ham sold so many of their not-crocked players in the transfer window, he may have to call on some of his own characters.

Initial discussions on the Hammers forums have suggested that the back four must be led by Etienne ( Germinal), his mining skills will help him dig deep. He should be ably supported by Jacques Bonhomme (La Terre) who's tough , harsh character makes John Terry look like a blubbering big girls blouse (wait a minute.....). Delphin's (La Terre) bulk makes him a cert for goal.

But there is concern that Laurent (Therese Raquin) in the midfield might divert his amazing speed and energy into frequenting the fleshpots of London rather than trying to screw the opposition.

So the discussion goes, and its all academic until the team takes to the pitch against the Baggies on Sat 13th.

What? Its not Emile? Its some Italian called Gianfranco? Why? What has he ever written?